Demons are one of my favourite monsters, Zombies are my first love, but a demon could tempt me away.
Especially if they had chocolate.
That’s the thing about demons, they are MADE to be tantalising. Imagine that thing you’ve always wanted, now imagine if money/time/space was no object, NOW imagine if you didn’t have as many scruples and would actually go for it, the end result is the kind of thing you can expect a demon to offer you, they’re THAT good!
Obviously this is what makes them so damn dangerous, unless you’re VERY good at avoiding temptation (Always stick to your diets, never put things off till later, going to bed at a decent time instead of staying up to watch just one more cat video on YouTube, that kind of thing) you’re essentially screwed.
Demons find ways of working out what’s in your head, your heart and your genitals if required so that they know the best way of wheedling out what they’re REALLY after.
No one’s sure of exactly why, but demons want one thing, your soul.
Now we all know that not all demons answer to Satan, not every culture in the world is Christian and not every culture denies the existence of demons either. So it’s safe to assume a lot of demons out there either work for someone else, or they’re freelance.
Working for someone else it’s easy to work out the reasoning. Someone wants a soul, either yours or anyone’s. If it’s yours then the resulting logic is easy. Who hates your guts and wants your soul ripped out of some bodily orifice? Bingo.
As to why I’m sure that’ll be a less interesting question than ‘How do I get them INTO the giant shredder?’
Well for me it would be, but I am a poor loser.
In cases like this you may be able to get the demon on your side, even if only for a limited time. All you have to do is work out how the original employer got the demon to agree to work for them (like hell they’ll tell you outright, heheheh, hell) and then offer something better that the demon wants.
Now I have to warn you, this comes with its own disadvantages.
The most obvious one is that they’re going to want something you really don’t want to give up, your soul, (even if you’re an atheist who doesn’t believe in souls, do you really want to see what happens if you’re proved wrong?) some important body part (who needs a liver anyway? …oh) or that old favourite, the first born son/child (well, I don’t think it’d bother me, mainly because I don’t have kids, but they always find a way to screw you over that too).
Of course if you’re smart about it, you can trick them, but you’d have to be VERY smart! Like saying you’ll give the demon the fruit of your loins, then after the job’s done pass him that wart on your thigh that’s been bothering you for years.
Not a bad idea, except demons are EXPERTS at this kind of switcheroonie, as such they are also extremely skilled at spotting when someone’s about to do the dirty on them, so you’d have to ensure you’ve got some damn good acting skills as well.
Either way, if you can work out how to fool the demon into taking your side and get away without losing too much, then you’re pretty much home free. Let old Mr No-Vowels do the dirty work while you rest easy in the knowledge that you’d make a pretty good store level manager.
Of course if the demon’s original employer was Satan himself or similar, you’re essentially fucked. Seriously, if you’ve managed to annoy someone of that calibre you’re gonna need some major help, some major brains or have a shitload to lose!
A demon working for a bigger demon or indeed, for himself will be after you, soul, internal wobbly bits and all. What he intends for all this humanoid mush, can be guaranteed to be….messy…at best.
At worst it’ll get messier as time goes by and a LOT of time will go by!
Seriously, it’ll be like watching an endless loop of The Only Way Is Essex, forever! Well I assume it’d be different for other people but personally that’d drive me bonkers in a half-second.
To avoid this, you need to either challenge him to a game, wager or competition you KNOW you can beat him at (bearing in mind your opponent will have demon powers at their disposal) or tempt them into having something else.
To be fair this may be how the human employers got stuck with the demons in the first place, so it may not be the best bet.
Never forget that demons can generally kick everybody’s ass when it comes to bets etc., the things we think we’re the best in the world at a demon would consider pretty crap.
You can fit a hundred marshmallows in your mouth at once? A demon would most likely stretch its mouth to fit a billion or two, just to rub it in.
And that’s just one example; god knows what happened to the people who challenged the demons to sex games.
Of course there’s also the problem of what to do when you’ve got a demon onside, even those who’ve managed to tempt a demon with a bribe won’t have it easy.
Really the only way to truly escape a demon’s clutches is to get the big guns in, if you’re fighting a satanic demon, smash that fucker’s face in holy water, smack him with a cross as soon as you see the horns. If he doesn’t work with Satan, find a conveniently placed vat of acid and drop him in. If you believe all the batman enemy backstories out there there’s more than you realise out there just waiting for a demon to be popped in.
If all of that doesn’t work then you’ll just have to find a way to run for it, or deal with eternal torment. Or take up a life as a demon hunter, which always seems to involve bad leather and facial hair for some reason…
If you don’t fancy that and you were aiming for monsterhood anyway, you could just let your inner demons loose and move to Finland where if you can’t beat them, you can join them.